Advice: How do I erase my wife’s memory?

Dear Beerhaze,

I did something really stupid and now my wife is holding it against me. She’s bringing it up no matter what’s going on. She just won’t let it go and it’s driving me crazy!

I have been married for two years and it’s the first time I have been relegated to the couch (4 nights and counting).

How do I erase my wife’s memory?

Dear Plankton Carrot,

Except for drugs, alcohol and blunt force trauma, the only other ways to erase her memory is to screw her brain out (when she finally lets you back in bed), or to buy her an overly expensive piece of jewellery – and then screw her brains out.

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