Dear Beerhaze,
I often fantasize about having sex with my math teacher. She is so freaking hot! Her eyes say, “I want you” and her breasts and bum beg to be handled. I think she likes me too but I’m not sure how to approach her?
Do you think she would freak out if I just asked her out?
My friends think I’m crazy. How do I get to have sex with my math teacher? Don’t say “hormones” because it’s not. I really think I love her.
Dear Frost Wiener,
I’m not sure where to begin…
- She teaches math? That’s quite twisted… Only English teachers are supposed to be fap worthy. It’s an unwritten rule, isn’t it?
- She is not “freaking hot”… Compared to your classmares, she just has more meat and fat in all the right places.
- Her eyes do not say, “I want you!” They are saying “Wow! I can’t believe you actually knew that, dumbass!”
- She will have a looong list of suitors if her breasts and bum stand out. All these suitors will also be shaving and buying their own underwear.
- I’m sure she “likes” you… and all your classmates. She is a teacher… It is rewarding to work with children.
- Asking her out? You mean a mommy-catered picnic in your basement where you take turns playing Guitar Hero? Sorry, it will never happen…
- You are not crazy… and it is hormones. Sorry.
- You will never have sex with your teacher. Name your right hand “teacher” and go on a “date”. You might get lucky… Who knows?
- You don’t “love” her – you are “horny”. There is a difference between the two.
- Working as a teacher requires you to follow a certain code of ethics – not taking advantage of children is probably point one.
Look to your skinny female classmates… Once you have reached a level of maturity where sex becomes a remote possibility – they will have filled out nicely in all the right places.
