Advice: How do I get to have sex with my math teacher?

Dear Beerhaze,

I often fantasize about having sex with my math teacher. She is so freaking hot! Her eyes say, “I want you” and her breasts and bum beg to be handled. I think she likes me too but I’m not sure how to approach her?

Do you think she would freak out if I just asked her out?

My friends think I’m crazy. How do I get to have sex with my math teacher? Don’t say “hormones” because it’s not. I really think I love her.

Dear Frost Wiener,

I’m not sure where to begin…

  1. She teaches math? That’s quite twisted… Only English teachers are supposed to be fap worthy. It’s an unwritten rule, isn’t it?
  2. She is not “freaking hot”… Compared to your classmares, she just has more meat and fat in all the right places.
  3. Her eyes do not say, “I want you!” They are saying “Wow! I can’t believe you actually knew that, dumbass!”
  4. She will have a looong list of suitors if her breasts and bum stand out. All these suitors will also be shaving and buying their own underwear.
  5. I’m sure she “likes” you… and all your classmates. She is a teacher… It is rewarding to work with children.
  6. Asking her out? You mean a mommy-catered picnic in your basement where you take turns playing Guitar Hero? Sorry, it will never happen…
  7. You are not crazy… and it is hormones. Sorry.
  8. You will never have sex with your teacher. Name your right hand “teacher” and go on a “date”. You might get lucky… Who knows?
  9. You don’t “love” her – you are “horny”. There is a difference between the two.
  10. Working as a teacher requires you to follow a certain code of ethics – not taking advantage of children is probably point one.

Look to your skinny female classmates… Once you have reached a level of maturity where sex becomes a remote possibility – they will have filled out nicely in all the right places.

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