Advice: How do I impress my new girlfriend?

Dear Beerhaze,

I have finally met the girl of my dreams, and we have started dating. Everything should be wonderful, but I’m panicking because I’m having a hard time coming up with places to take her and things to impress her with.

I’m not good at anything…

How do I impress my new girlfriend?

Dear Brain Yogurt,

Surely there must be something you are good at? Perhaps you are not giving yourself enough credit? It doesn’t necessarily have to be rocket science; sometimes it’s the simple things that are the most memorable. Here are a couple of ideas to get you going:

The Zoo:
Show off your knowledge of animals. (Good)
Show off your pitching arm by throwing rocks at the chimpanzees. (Bad)

Fancy restaurant:
Show her how to eat shark fin soup without dribbling down your chin. (Good)
Show her how you can fit eight bread rolls in your mouth. (Bad)

Art museum:
Entertain her with your musings about the different paintings. (Good)
Entertain her by pretending to sneeze on the paintings. (Bad)

Impress her by juggling fruit at the grocery store. (Good)
Impress her by juggling hamsters at the pet store. (Bad)

Show off on the volleyball court at the beach (Good)
Show off on a lawn bowling field at a retirement home. (Bad)

Write a poem about her smile. (Good)
Write a poem about her menstrual cramps. (Bad)

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