Advice: How do I tell if I eat too much pizza?

Dear Beerhaze,

My wife says I eat too much pizza. I say, I don’t…

Who is right? How do I tell if I eat too much pizza?

Dear Grease Finger,

  1. Your ass being as wide as a Volkswagen Beetle is the first sign…
  2. Your wife having sex with the home-pierced delivery guy who used to call you “Sensei” or “Master” might also be a sign….
  3. Your armpits being the main source of protein for all the dogs in your neighbourhood is probably also a clue…

Really, when your wife is giving you subtle hints – listen! It of course doesn’t mean you need to adhere to all her commands, but yes, she probably has some good points. Also, remember, she alone controls the access to her magic box… Listening is a good thing if access to her box matters to you in any way.

Then again, a well-stacked pizza can also be rather rewarding!

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