Advice: How should I compliment a guy?

Dear Beerhaze,

How should I compliment a guy? I think “gorgeous” sounds okay as a general overall expression but what about the rest of him? The little things and details I mean?

I know it’s probably a stupid question but I really can’t think of anything that doesn’t sound silly.

Dear Cracker Lips,

The problem is that you are looking for single words to compliment him. Guys use “cute”, “pretty” and “beautiful” as that’s all we can come up with (and they are on the reminder list many keep in their wallet). A woman using these words as compliments doesn’t work… In fact, it’s rather lame. He will not care or perhaps not even hear you say these nothing compliments.

You have to think bigger and more. Be grandiose! Also, don’t waste your time on his eyes or what have you, as he won’t get it. Come on! Even dogs, cats and goats have nice eyes, personalities and a sense of rhythm.

To make him happy and swell with pride, focus your compliments on his manhood! Here are a few ideas to get you going:

  • “Alpha male doesn’t come close to it… You could have a life-sized license plate tattooed on your penis!”
  • “Your penis is as hard and smooth as the one on The Statue of David, only bigger and more erect!”
  • “It’s as if there is a lunar eclipse every time you drop your pants and your penis is the Earth I live on!”
  • “Even Tom Cruise would self-medicate himself before bending over for your magnificent specimen of a penis!”
  • “I have never seen anything like your penis, except in bowling alleys and attached to the turrets of battle tanks.”

See the difference? You are very welcome!

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