Advice: How to get her to notice me?


Dear Beerhaze,

I’m in love with my gym teacher, but I don’t know how to get her to notice me?

Dear Fish Stick,

She will probably notice you if you put a coconut in your shorts and lick the sweat off your back during class.

Seriously though… She’s your teacher. Do you read newspapers or watch TV at all? Teachers who take advantage of children end up in prison. You are nothing more than a hairless hobbit to her.

You will eventually get lucky, naked, and have more fun if you focus your raging hormones on people your own age.

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