Advice: Is it illegal to have sex with a horse?

Dear Beerhaze,

Is it illegal to have sex with a horse?

My wife has a horse.

Dear Moth Cracker,

Yes, it’s illegal to have sex with a horse in most countries and states. It’s considered (rightly so) animal abuse. In other countries, they will have indecency laws, to help protect pets, farm animals and wildlife from dimwitted and disgusting people. In the few countries, where no special laws are in place, you will be jailed or put to death using other laws.

You are at least mentally (possibly also physically) messing up your horse if you engage in that kind of activity. If there was any confusion; petting has nothing to do with pets, or any other animals! Horses are intelligent and sensitive and pick up on human emotions and behavior, and are easily messed up even when human sexuality and freakdom isn’t involved.

Legal or not… Sex with animals has always been considered an incredibly sick and depraved act. Dude, it’s not a cool place to be.

Feed your horse an apple instead.

If you have a spelling error in “My wife has a horse.” and it should really read “My wife is a horse.” Then yes, it’s perfectly legal to copulate with an ugly wife. Besides, any mental anguish that may result from it will be your own.

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