Advice: Make him understand that I don’t need to be impressed?

Dear Beerhaze,

My new boyfriend really is wonderful. He’s intelligent and funny but my problem is that we end up talking too much about his accomplishments and titles, and not enough about us and me. He does a lot of volunteering in the community and has one title or another for each one.

I understand him being proud of contributions, and so am I, but I don’t want to hear about it – all the time! He doesn’t get it when I say that I don’t need to be impressed anymore. Still he says things like, “As senior assistant of the staff coordinator in the…”

How do I make him understand that I don’t need to be impressed?

Dear Bun Magician,

He is wonderful? Sounds to me like his main interests are he and… he.

Well, try to tell him what you would like to talk about and if he still reroutes the discussion back to him and his titles, you might have an arrogant and selfish prick at your hands. You have to keep harping on him that you don’t care about his lame-ass titles and try to steer the conversations in your chosen (the more sensible) direction.

Titles don’t mean much or anything… Make up your own titles and use them on him and perhaps he’ll get the message:

  1. The Japanese tourist molester of Yellowstone Park.
  2. The rambunctious wild bore fellater of Northern Vietnam.
  3. The koala washing and grooming champion of Queensland, Australia.
  4. The official Alabama state male lactation spokesperson.
  5. The regurgitation specialist of baby penguins at San Diego zoo.

Maybe he’ll get the message.

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