Advice: Person can protect himself from ghosts?

Dear Beerhaze,

I’m afraid of ghosts! Often when I’m downstairs alone, I feel like somebody is watching me… She (I think it’s a she) always seems angry, as if she wants to hurt me!

My wife is a very spiritual person and has tried to channel the spirit but hasn’t had any luck.

Is there anyway a person can protect himself from ghosts?

Dear Micro Sack,

The bad news? There’s no protection… The good news? There are no such things as ghosts… You can’t protect yourself from unicorns, leprechauns and fairies either because they only exist in the minds of schizophrenic Irish people.

I think you a merely nervous that your wife will walk in on you while wanking off to porn. The best thing to do when you feel like the “spiritual world” is after you? Grow yourself a set of balls!

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