Advice: Possible to have sex with a woman without her knowledge?

Dear Beerhaze,

Is it possible to have sex with a woman without her knowledge? I’m trying to make things work with my girlfriend if you know what I mean?

It has not worked so far.

Dear Electric Mango,

Sorry, I have no freaking idea what you are going on about!

Your options are three when it comes to having sex with your girlfriend, unbeknownst to her:

  1. Your girlfriend is completely unconscious.
  2. Your girlfriend is very dead.
  3. Your girlfriend is extremely distracted (watching a George Clooney or Brad Pitt movie…) and you have an itsy-bitsy little penis.

(1) and (2) is illegal and would land you sorry butt in prison.

(3) will eventually result in you becoming an ex-boyfriend, so I wouldn’t even bother…

If your Tinky Winky won’t work unless your girlfriend is out cold - you need professional counselling.

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