Advice: Pursue this woman or not?

Dear Beerhaze,

I’m a 29-year-old virgin and not by choice by the way. Recently, I met this beautiful woman who’s interested in me, but the problem is that she’s into kinky stuff.

Supposedly, she loves piercings and spanking. I’m not sure if I’m comfortable with that.

Should I pursue this woman anyway?

Dear Quivering Lemur,

Most women are actually quite pleasant and when you date one for a while, you will only get spanked if you do something extraordinarily nice for them.

Get it done and before you know it, you will be adorning nipple rings just like everyone else! If you are lucky, you might even get her to do your laundry! Yes, they do that if you make them happy in the sack. I swear to God, it’s true, and brilliant!

Most men would take your place in the blink of an eye. Getting spanked senseless is probably the easiest courtship you will ever have go through. Trust me, hours of mindless small talk in a smelly bar is more painful than a pair of burning buttocks.

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