Advice: Recipes for classic aphrodisiacs?

Dear Beerhaze,

Do you know any recipes for classic aphrodisiacs for men?

Dear Soggy Cracker,

Yes, I do! I have two quick working ones, and two that take a little bit of planning:

  • Swinkala: Sneaky women in parts of Africa (and recently Japan and China) use a perfume (Swinkala) made using a reduction of Marula fruit, goat urine and hot peppers. The Swinkala will when placed on a woman’s skin increase the effect of her pheromones. Women should not do this, unless they really want the attention of their suitor, as it will drive him mad with desire.
  • Cucumbers: No, not as marital aids, but as way to balance the fluids in your body! Men’s libido is often boosted by simply taken care of dehydration, and hunger. Quickly eating 8-9 cucumbers will keep you going for at least 12 hours.
  • Toothpaste: Colgate toothpaste smeared between a man’s toes will keep him “perky” for a very long time. It also makes his feet smell minty fresh! This however takes foresight as the toothpaste will take between 2 – 3 hours to take effect, but when it does… Oh, boy!
  • Sake and ashes: In Japan it’s believed that the ashes from birch wood, mixed with Sake will when rubbed in to a man’s armpits and scrotum turn even a garter snake in to an anaconda. This also takes foresight because it will take about 24 hours for it to take effect. Many historians believe that Samurai warriors rubbed themselves with this mixture before heading out in battle.
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