Advice: Ruining her favourite panties?

Dear Beerhaze,

My mom is accusing me of wearing and ruining her favourite panties. She only has my sister telling her that she saw me wearing them. Mom has gone so far as to keeping her underwear drawer locked. How do I talk to her?

Dear Mesmerizing Glue Stick,

Talk to her honestly and if that does not work, perhaps you can see if you can fit in to your sister’s or dad’s panties?

Seriously, wearing other people’s underwear and sharing skid marks and creepy crawlers is more than a bit icky and Walmart-ish. Have you considered getting a job and buying (not at Walmart) your own frilly stuff?

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