Advice: Should I get breast implants?

Dear Beerhaze,

I am a 22-year-old woman who has a big problem… or rather, a pair of little problems! I am extremely flat-chested. I hardly have anything there at all. I have been considering breast implants but remain undecided.

Male friends have told me they find small breasts sexy but that conflicts with the “bigger is better” attitude that prevails in the media.

Can you help with some advice? Should I or shouldn’t I? Should I get breast implants?

Dear Racer Raisins,

No, you shouldn’t! It’s quite unnecessary if the sole purpose of the breast implants¬†is to raise interest in the opposite sex. Most guys don’t care, and I’m not sure you would be happy with the superficial males that have breast size as the measuring stick of a woman’s worth. Sure, in general, I guess you might get an extra glance or two with a bigger cup-size, but after the initial contact, size matters very little.

There are options to breast implant surgery! You can make your breasts appear bigger, or at least hide the fact that they are small. As I said, if you can establish initial contact, they won’t even come in to play… Here are some ideas:

  1. Wear 14-foot stilts! Perspective will distort any body shape and will make it appear generally thinner and more elongated to anyone looking up at you. No one would be able to tell if you are flat chested or not.
  2. Use optical illusions to you advantage. Have tie-dyed t-shirt made that features two large strategically placed colourful rings… It can make people see things that are not there because they “expect” them to be there.
  3. Slightly more expensive than a tie-dyed shirt: have a custom shirt airbrushed using Trompe-L’oeil (French for fool the eye) art techniques. Skilfully airbrushed shadows and creases on a shirt will fool anyone, at least when viewed head-on (not really useful if you are in to line dancing).
  4. Distractions always works! Drawing men’s eyes away from a woman’s chest area might seem like an impossible task, but it really isn’t – don’t wear pants!
  5. Humans need colour to perceive depth-of-field accurately. Always wear a grey sweater and stay in the shadows. If there are no shadows – make some! A large umbrella doesn’t have to cost you more than a couple of bucks!
This entry was posted in Advice. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

* Copy This Password *

* Type Or Paste Password Here *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>