Advice: Take a dump on my girlfriend just to keep her happy?

Dear Beerhaze,

My girlfriend wants me to take a dump on her. When I say, “dump”, I of course really mean “shit”, “poo” and “defecate”. I find the idea disgusting and disturbing!

Should I take a dump on my girlfriend just to keep her happy?

Dear Hesitant Ass Canon,

What says, “I love you!” more than having your lover’s romantic turd on your chest?

Hey, a traditional Greek wedding night is not complete without a mutual bowel movement. They must have something figured out, as the divorce rate is extremely low in Greece… Ok, I’m joking of course…

Your job description as the “dude” in the relationship:

  • Try to keep her happy at all times.
  • Verify number 1.

Defecation is not on the list! Look for other ways to make her happy – chocolate might do the trick (it’s also sanitary and a supposed aphrodisiac).

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