Advice: Think she saw a dumb look on my face?


Dear Beerhaze,

My girlfriend finally kissed me, yesterday, at work. I think my brain stopped working for a while…

Do you think she saw a dumb look on my face?

Dear Lamb Liver,

I’m sure she noticed and thought it amusing. I doubt she was insulted.

The short time span when your brain stops working is often referred to as “wtf seconds” and are perfectly normal. Here are a few examples of situations where they often occur:

  1. Time you spend sitting in horror before you realize that your giant plasma TV is not broken… It’s just the channel… kids have been watching scrambled porn (again).
  2. Moments you waste in the morning after starting your car; figuring out that the “burning engine smell” is simply the McDonald’s breakfast garbage from the week before.
  3. The scant few seconds required by your brain to compute and to tell your lunges and vocal chords to produce a girlish squeal after getting your penis caught in the zipper.
  4. Waking up period when you again find yourself naked in a car wash, covered in wax, and slowly remembering the LSD binge from the night before.
  5. Very silent times after sex when you are so consumed by the need to pee that you don’t remember that your partner wants to hear: “I love you!”
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