Advice: What can I do about my wife and Dr. Phil?

Dear Beerhaze,

My wife is infatuated with Dr. Phil. She watches him religiously and buys all his stupid books. She spends several hours each day on the Dr. Phil website. She even wears an “I love Dr. Phil” t-shirt. Sometimes she even wears it to bed!

When I get home from work she insists on telling me what was on the show even though I insist I’m not interested. It is embarrassing to be anywhere with her because, at any opportunity, she’ll tell strangers what Dr. Phil would likely say about their behaviour.

What can I do about my wife and Dr. Phil?

Dear Chin Magnet,

These Dr. Phil obsessions are extremely destructive to men everywhere! His TV show affects the lives of men on so many levels. Some of the changes are so subtle that men don’t always notice them until it’s too late…

I have had men write to me saying that they have stopped leaving dirty dishes in the sink and that they never leave their dirty socks and underwear on the bedroom floor anymore. Some don’t even leave empty beer bottles on the kitchen counter, in the bathroom or all over the den any longer.

Most of them don’t even know when or why the started cleaning up after themselves! That’s Dr. Phil’s witchcraft put to work for you!

Dr. Phil teaching women how to manipulate their husbands and boyfriends is sick and perverted in my most humble opinion. Life should be lived, faults and all! Messing up, and having one disaster after another is what makes us human and men! What’s the point of having a wife or a girlfriend if they aren’t predictable and do what they are told?

Option number 1 – Shave your head, wear a cowboy hat and talk dirty to her in a Texan accent while you do things to her that only German fetish couples did in early 1970s films… This might confuse and slow her down a little bit.

Option number 2 – Divorce her and instead find a big-breasted nymphomaniac with a slutty contortionist twin sister, who is obsessed with the Jerry Springer Show.

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