Advice: What if my girlfriend cheats on me in my dreams?

Dear Beerhaze,

What if my girlfriend cheats on me in my dreams? Yes, I had a dream where in my girlfriend cheated on me. I dreamt she had sex with a mutual acquaintance… Then a crazy thing happened: she called me the next day and said that she wants to meet, because she has something to tell me!

I am scared of what she might say, so I have been stalling. She keeps calling and I keep making excuses as to why I cannot see her.

What should I do?

Dear Mind Humus,

Your (as for now…) girlfriend wishes to see you, but you keep turning her away… Listen, she will most definitely become an ex-girlfriend if you no longer see her. 

Who knows what she wants to tell you? Perhaps she is pregnant? Perhaps she wants you guys to have a threesome with one of her flexible nymph friends? Perhaps she wants to break up with you because she can’t have a boyfriend who is irrational and believes in magical thinking, and dream fables?

Dumbass, whatever she is about to tell you, it will have absolutely nothing to do with your dream.

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