Advice: Why are some people afraid of clowns?


Dear Beerhaze,

Why are some people afraid of clowns?

Dear Mayor Of Tang,

Your question would be better formulated as, “Why aren’t all people afraid of clowns?”

  1. Clowns are filthy and disgusting human beings who paint their faces and wear the same over-sized and mismatched pieces of clothing, day in and day out.
  2. Clowns are obsessed with creating their own reality by making balloon animals, swords and flowers.
  3. Clowns have scary names such as, “Flippo”, “Boozo” and “Chewo”.
  4. Clowns are known for approaching and harassing children and feeble-minded people in malls.
  5. Clowns always try to make you smile… Everyone knows that grinning and showing your teeth is a sign of submission!

Again, why wouldn’t everyone fear clowns?

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