Advice: Will I be raped when I go to prison?


Dear Beerhaze,

Will I be raped when I go to prison? I am a car thief… not a sex criminal or anything like that.

Advise me, please!

Dear Dented Miata,

I have no idea, dude… However, I would imagine that prison is quite an unpleasant place to be. When it comes to prison rape, I would think that you would try to do all you can to not look or smell like Paris Hilton’s vagina:

  1. Grow your goatee into a full beard…
  2. Floss…
  3. Use minty mouthwash…
  4. Get the flavour-of-the-day fascist tattoo…
  5. Bench-press things…
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