- Cannibals wanting to bite your face off will first try to grab onto your beard.
- You can wear it to socially fit in with Shriners, Masons and mother in-laws.
- After eating shark fin soup you can simply clean your beard in the washing machine.
- Put in on a leash when hitting on a hot young lady walking her Shih Tzu.
- Surreptitiously disguise your shaved balls when in a locker room with your buddies.
