Advice: Hypnotize a girl to fall in love?

Dear Beerhaze,

How do I hypnotize a girl to fall in love with me? Will she know I did it?

There’s this chick at work that I really like but she won’t give me the time of day… I thought this hypnosis thing might do the trick?

Dear Lemon Tits,

No, you can’t hypnotize anyone to fall in love with you. Hypnosis can only be used to help a person feel comfortable to act in ways they are already willing, but unable to do. You can through hypnosis alleviate a person’s nervousness, anxiousness, fears etc.

Start learning hypnosis now, and maybe in the future you will have an “in” by being able to help her quit smoking, or cure an irrational fear of Styrofoam cups or something?

If it were possible for men to hypnotize women that easily, there would be no nagging, towel shopping, frozen leftovers, scrambled TV channels, minivans, light beer, Christmas with nutty in-laws, taking out garbage early in the morning or untimely headaches.

Now watch my middle finger… You are feeling sleepy… sleeeepy… sleeeeeeeep…

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