Dear Santa Claus, This Christmas I would like to exchange a few of last year’s gifts

  1. Bow and arrow - “They are completely useless! You can’t even kill a parrot with this junk. Believe me; I have tried many times to no avail.”
  2. Flamethrower - “It’s a toy! I didn’t ask for a toy… I hoped to propel fire over great distances. This stupid toy only makes a slight buzzing sound. Tried to torch my school with that thing and ended up looking like a retard!”
  3. Globe - “I never asked for one! I asked for a map: showing where my dad hides his collection of “Fat Asses”, “Mega Boobs” and “Goat Watersports” magazines.”
  4. Magic Tricks Set - “Take it back! I asked for mental powers that enable mind reading, levitation and invisibility; not how to learn stupid card tricks. The only thing I got from the set was a massive headache trying to levitate the very thin instruction manual.”
  5. Moose - “Getting this stuffed animal doesn’t make any sense at all… I did however ask for a noose because I want to hang things. I believe this to be complete cock-up on your part. Fix it!”
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