Girlfriends that my parents never approved of

  1. Samantha - “She uses too much eyeliner, and her green and red hair combined with her black clothing and lipstick makes her look like a traffic light at night, or at best some alien cotton candy gone horribly wrong…”
  2. Kaylee - “We don’t like her because she slurs her words and she is rude: “The recently pierced, and infected, and swollen tongue” is just a pathetic attempt at an excuse!”
  3. Anna - “Honey, she’s not the one for you… Her name used to be “Peter” and “she” works in the granite quarry outside town!”
  4. Jessica - “This woman is probably the nicest retired bus driver we have ever had the pleasure of meeting, but she’s simply just too old for you! Her cat is older than you are!”
  5. Skull - “She has been arrested 18 times for “breaking and entering?” Just because she hasn’t gotten into anything in the last two weeks, doesn’t make her a “the one” that we will allow around our electronics and son!”
  6. Dinaa - “Hangover or not: she threw up in the kitchen sink and crapped in our pantry. I don’t care what African country she is from - it’s not very lady-like!”
  7. Hilda -“She’s German…. She smells like sausage… Her butt is wider than even the smallest BMW… She sat down on, and suffocated our dear “Jack” and she didn’t even find our poor dog until three days later!”
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