How to tell if your mall Santa is a cokehead
- There are large barren areas without any artificial snow where Santa works.
- There’s a musty petting-zoo-like smell coming from Santa’s sweat-soaked suit. It has also started taking on a greenish hue.
- Difficult to tell where Santa’s hat ends and where the beard begins, due to numerous and excessive nosebleeds.
- Santa’s pupils are dilated to the point where they are easily mistaken for those belonging to a reindeer.
- There’s a sign that says: “Picture with Santa: $2… Blowjob by Santa: $5…”
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