Advice: Girlfriend’s parrot is just talking crazy?

Dear Beerhaze,

I have a problem with my girlfriend’s parrot; or rather I have a problem with what he says…

Talking parrots are normally considered cute or funny, but hers freaks me out! Not only that, the damn bird only shoots his mouth off when I’m alone with. It must have a built-in radar or something as it doesn’t talk when I have a tape recorder nearby. My girlfriend thinks I’m crazy, but I’m not! What’s even more crazy and frightening are the things he says:

  • “Oh! My God… I have syphilis?”
  • “Erica, he doesn’t fit in the suitcase… Straighten his leg and I’ll chop it off with the machete…”
  • “That’s right, I only charge hundred bucks for my regulars…”
  • “Jesus, yours is the same size and shape as a bowling pin…”
  • “Deal! $30,000 for the sex-change sounds fair enough…”

As you can see… this kind of talk would make anyone nervous! I love my girlfriend but the parrot has made me question what kind of girl she really is.

Is it possible that my girlfriend’s parrot is just talking crazy?

Dear Fowl Whisperer,

Are you going to let a bird with a slightly higher IQ than a meatloaf ruin the beautiful thing you have created with your girlfriend? Don’t you think that’s a bit of an overreaction? I think so…

I wouldn’t worry about it too much. If you spend some time with her parrot, I’m sure he will have some nice things to say about her as well. We all have skeletons in our closets… some even have skeletons in suitcases, hidden in our closets!

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