Memorable things that I have said in the last couple of days

  1. “It takes balls to kick a grizzly bear in the nuts.”
  2. “As exciting as seeing grandma score a point at lawnbowling.”
  3. “Having a gun or not is often the difference between ‘cute’ and ‘barbecue’.”
  4. “True happiness is finding a great cone!”
  5. “Don’t jump into the gorilla cage if you are covered in bananas.”
  6. “Flying a kite is not nearly as challenging as flying a piano.”
  7. “As pointless as sending mouse droppings in to outer space.”
  8. “It’s not necrophilia if she’s made out of plastic.”
  9. “It only looks like there are a lot ninjas in Saudi Arabia.”
  10. “Mixed emotions is waking up with someone’s dentures stuck on your genitalia.”
  11. “Being kicked in the balls hurts more than breastfeeding a starving cheetah.”
  12. “Always turn a blind eye to a poorly thrown dart.”
  13. “Being forcefully licked by your dog is much more enjoyable than the other way around.”
  14. “Don’t tease a polar bear if you are carrying frozen hamburger meat in your pockets.”
  15. “Clubbing seal pups is also great exercise.”
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