Memories that I hope are false

  1. Dropping my pacifier out of the stroller into the mud, and some bearded and toothless stranger picks it up and licks it clean, and shoves it back into my mouth. (Age 2)
  2. The clown on the supermarket parking lot threatens to kick and burn his dog if nobody tips him, and I’m not allowed to stay and see the spectacle. (Age 4)
  3. Getting a magical pet rabbit that morphs into a guinea pig a year later, and a couple of months after that the guinea pig morphs into two rats. (Age 6)
  4. Yoda comes to visit all the way from Finland and brings lots of candy and presents. He pinches my cheeks and says that I’m a big boy, and my parents insist that I give him a hug even though he smells funny. (Age 7)
  5. My older brother having sex with the cute lifeguard from the public pool behind our shed, after which she to my great shock stands up and shoves her penis back into her sweat pants. (Age 8)
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