Messages I would love to see in Chinese fortune cookies

  1. Don’t spit on your plate if you don’t want it back in a take-out order.
  2. Everything is quicker with sharpened chopsticks.
  3. Soup is simply food boiled for a very long time – for a reason.
  4. Goofy accents are for your enjoyment, you obtuse goat buttock!
  5. What goes in must come out: including the spicy chicken.
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