Painful lessons learned the hard way

  1. Never try to tattoo your rottweiler when coming home after a night of binge drinking.
  2. Never place the clothes pins from a hanger intended for dress pants, anywhere even near your genitalia.
  3. Never taste that olive oil under your mother-in-laws sink – it could be from the 1970′s.
  4. Never eat a bag of unripe avocados, and then a powerful laxative.
  5. Never place your guitar closer than 8 feet from the floor when the in-breeds are coming for a visit.
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