- People who wear ski masks and have lots of play dough strapped to their torsos.
- Big-breasted waitresses who have nervous ticks, the hiccups and skip-rope over to the table where I’m seated.
- Catholic priests; especially the ones that wear t-shirts with prints featuring famous boy bands.
- Homeless people that call me by my first name and give me the thumbs-up while licking their lips seductively.
- Wal-Mart greeters that tell me to, “Take a goddamn shopping cart!” Even if I’m only dropping in for the Planters cashews and tampons that are on sale.
