The rumour has it that Hollywood will start taking the mixing of characters from different worlds, onto a whole new level. The possibilities are endless…
Here’s my character suggestions and what they could contribute to one of those movies.
- Catwoman: Innocent and always fully clad sex appeal for geeks and granddads.
- Gollum: Mandatory irritating CGI character to be brought in halfway through the movie to give people a bathroom break.
- Luke Skywalker: Whining and indestructible hero to move the illogical plot along.
- Forrest Gump: Pointless semi-rational insights and quotes to be memorized and repeated by frat boys ad nauseam.
- Peter Pan: Freaky monster who will spawn the offspring for the obvious and equally pointless sequel.
- Tarzan: Faux ethnical and cultural diversity, and for that moment when he learns that “fantastic thing” which is already mastered by preschoolers everywhere.
- Lassie: Gut wrenching moment when the cute dog almost gets killed after being run over by an Abrams main battle tank.
- Morpheus: Soulless token black guy character that nobody gets the point of and that simply disappears in the final 30 minutes of the movie.
- James Bond: Comic relief and for compulsory transgender sexuality expressed using grossly exaggerated eyebrow movements.
- Hannibal Lecter: Evil villain that disappointingly only ends up licking Catwoman.
