Secret recipe for a Hollywood blockbuster movie

The rumour has it that Hollywood will start taking the mixing of characters from different worlds, onto a whole new level. The possibilities are endless…

Here’s my character suggestions and what they could contribute to one of those movies.

  1. Catwoman: Innocent and always fully clad sex appeal for geeks and granddads.
  2. Gollum: Mandatory irritating CGI character to be brought in halfway through the movie to give people a bathroom break.
  3. Luke Skywalker: Whining and indestructible hero to move the illogical plot along.
  4. Forrest Gump: Pointless semi-rational insights and quotes to be memorized and repeated by frat boys ad nauseam.
  5. Peter Pan: Freaky monster who will spawn the offspring for the obvious and equally pointless sequel.
  6. Tarzan: Faux ethnical and cultural diversity, and for that moment when he learns that “fantastic thing” which is already mastered by preschoolers everywhere.
  7. Lassie: Gut wrenching moment when the cute dog almost gets killed after being run over by an Abrams main battle tank.
  8. Morpheus: Soulless token black guy character that nobody gets the point of and that simply disappears in the final 30 minutes of the movie.
  9. James Bond: Comic relief and for compulsory transgender sexuality expressed using grossly exaggerated eyebrow movements.
  10. Hannibal Lecter: Evil villain that disappointingly only ends up licking Catwoman.
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