Sexy on-line dating ads

  1. 8 feet tall and slightly homicidal and psychotic. Enjoys walking in circles… Looking for SWF 18-99, who enjoys chatting through bulletproof glass.
  2. Funny 63-year-old lady living in Boston looking for someone for walks in the park, theatre and baseball games. Age and social status isn’t important but you must have a sense of humour and be willing to take my 16-inch strap-on once in a while.
  3. Intelligent, charming, beautiful, rich, well-hung, artistic, non-smoker, religious, ethical, hard working, fit and humorous, I am not. But I can lick my own eyebrows! Looking for female 18 – 45 who can appreciate my talent.
  4. Looking for a woman who is a nubile, big-breasted sword swallowing nymphomaniac with hexadactyly. Surely the perfect woman for me is out there somewhere? Age and race doesn’t matter. Anxiously waiting to hear from you…
  5. Tuba playing retired school principal looking for a heavyset woman who can bake and clean and who can take wild senseless beatings. Please include your favourite recipes with your reply.
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