Signs that you might not be the perfect wife

  1. You can’t do the splits or a basic somersault.
  2. An average-sized parrot has larger breasts than you do.
  3. You can’t suck a pork dumpling through a straw.
  4. You can’t even take a mild spanking with a frying pan.
  5. You only shut up when drugged with roofies.
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