Signs that your neighbor is a sick and filthy pervert

  1. Dresses up like a Walt Disney tricycle and throws him down near your kid’s playground.
  2. In late December he is often caught mating with everyone’s Christmas lawn ornaments.
  3. Neighborhood dogs go missing days on end, and when they finally come back home you can’t wipe the grin off their faces.
  4. Whenever there’s a celebration in town – he volunteers to be the float.
  5. Rings people’s doorbells and offers cookies to girl guides.
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