Smoking doesn’t cause cancer

  1. Isn’t possible that it’s the whining and bitching of friends and family of smokers that really causes their cancerous tumors? It has been proven that stress make chemotherapy treatments less effective – so science should also be able to show that it’s the nagging and bitching of non-smokers that really make “the stinking” bastards die, and not the inhaled smoke itself?
  2. If smoke kills people - are we really paying our hardworking, unselfish, and often stunningly buff firemen enough money? Sure, there are masks and oxygen tanks for firefighters, but you don’t have to be a genius to realize that one cheaply-made-Mexican-couch has more toxins in it than a billion cigarettes.
  3. People that have ever torched their house know that that firemen won’t put on their masks and oxygen tanks until they have inhaled half-a-cheaply-made-Mexican-couch. How come the handsome firemen buggers aren’t dropping like flies?
  4. Of course smokers will have more instances of pneumonia and emphysema than non-smokers… If smokers want a puff, they are forced out on balconies, restaurant entrances and funeral home porches – in mid-January; even if they don’t have their coats available to them.
  5. Yes, smokers are dying of all kinds of diseases… Including coronary heart related ones… However, isn’t it possible that it’s all the “ducking and diving” to try to hide their “sick and perverted addiction” from friends and family that’s causing all the problems to begin with? Again, maybe it’s not the “smoke”… Stress is a killer too: ask any doctor!
  6. Seriously: smoking a Romeo y Julieta ‘Winston Churchill’ while watching a great hockey game and having your girlfriend (wife) clean your pipe while you make a toast (in XO Cognac) for every goal scored can’t possibly be a cause for a stroke -unless your mother-in-law (to be) walks in on you!
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