Taking a long-distance relationship to the next level

  1. Send him a scented love letter instead of an email.
  2. Send him an intimate piece of clothing instead of a postcard with cutely posed chimps.
  3. Send him a picture of yourself frying pirogues in the nude instead of an old high school one.
  4. Send him the DVD of that German fetish movies you starred in instead of the one where you are bass fishing in Alabama.
  5. Send him your severed foot for his birthday instead of a piece of your crappy poetry.
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