- I wish I could eat a hamburger when as drunk as David Hasselhoff.
- I wish I could travel the world shopping, and finding just the “right look” of a baby, to complement my collection, as Angelina Jolie does.
- I wish I could make people swallow back vomit by simply being a moron like The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
- I wish I could take a dump in the back of a $200,000 limo without any performance anxiety, like Paris Hilton.
- I wish I could produce enough spit to make the same hairdo as used by Donald Trump.
