Talents I wished I had

  1. I wish I could eat a hamburger when as drunk as David Hasselhoff.
  2. I wish I could travel the world shopping, and finding just the “right look” of a baby, to complement my collection, as Angelina Jolie does.
  3. I wish I could make people swallow back vomit by simply being a moron like The View’s Elisabeth Hasselbeck.
  4. I wish I could take a dump in the back of a $200,000 limo without any performance anxiety, like Paris Hilton.
  5. I wish I could produce enough spit to make the same hairdo as used by Donald Trump.
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