The iPod comes in handy

  1. When riding the bus to work.
  2. When taking your 9-year-old to a Hilary Duff concert.
  3. When your wife has dilated to 9 centimeters and has contractions every 43 seconds.
  4. When your not so handy neighbor tries to use his cheap circular saw on a 12-by-12 piece of oak wood.
  5. When your visiting kinky in-laws are going at it in the room next door, and you are bedridden with a bag of frozen peas on your balls because you have just had a vasectomy.
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