Things I failed misereably at as a kid

  1. Making balloon animals using regular elongated party balloons.
  2. Pretending that I hadn’t discovered my older brother’s stash of Playboy magazines.
  3. Staying awake late enough to finish watching even one episode of Space: 1999.
  4. Curving a soccer ball more than an insignificant and pointless inch or two.
  5. Peeing in the public swimming pool and not looking guilty.
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