Things I learned at my first Canadian Football League game earlier today

  1. Where ever you are seated in a stadium: the cheerleaders will always be too far away.
  2. Country bumpkin families buy a lot of hotdogs because they will only find their seats at the start of the fourth quarter.
  3. Souvenir t-shirts are really cheap: when compared to the price of heroin.
  4. The newly renovated washrooms already smell like those in pre-World War II, Algerian brothels.
  5. If you have a headache, a courtesy loudmouth drunk with boom sticks and horn will be assigned the seat right behind you.
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