Things I learned while watching the Olympics last night

  1. Softball would not be more interesting even if they played in the nude.
  2. You will only look good with sideburns if your name is Crocker.
  3. The Chinese female gymnasts look like they are working for food.
  4. Soccer to Jonas Brothers music could be used to torture political dissidents.
  5. The winner takes it all – the losers go shopping at the mall.
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