Things that will always make you late for work
- Waiting for grandma to finish knitting you that toque, scarf, stocking and pair of mittens she started just before getting diagnosed with dementia, in 1972.
- Excusing yourself and quickly drinking 5-6 long Long Island ice teas when your wife says: “We need to talk…” or “I have been thinking…” or “My mom says you tried to push her down the stair…”
- Opening 5 bags of Lay’s potato chips and trying to eat only one… If you have a lot of toilet paper in the house – opening a total of 7 bags.
- Trying to figure out how Donald Trump keeps his whacked out hairdo together without any visible mousse, gel, spray or spit.
- Switching over to that great local French TV channel that only shows flexible women doing something that could be Yoga.
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