Things you rarely hear your wife say

  1. “Can’t we send our kids to my mother’s and spend our whole vacation at different nudist beaches?”
  2. “Why do you drink that Jack Daniel’s crap? You have earned it: buy yourself a case of Single Malt Whisky tomorrow.”
  3. “My friend is a hooker and she has compiled this list of escort services where you get rebates on “Very Happy Thursdays”.
  4. “Happy birthday, honey! I bought you this Harley by selling all my Tupperware and dried flowers on eBay.”
  5. “You know the thing you told me about on our honeymoon? Your fantasy involving chicken, electrical tape, peanut butter, marshmallows, a homeless person, and cabbage? Guess what? I have been a very, very baaad girl…”
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