Thoughts that I have had at one point or another in my life

  1. “I’m pretty certain to get laid because she seems very excited that I have found a plastic apple to add to her collection of decorative fruits.”
  2. “Oh, my goodness: glue is better than screws! It doesn’t require any special tools and this particular brand also smells quite interesting.”
  3. “I can’t believe I’m actually here in Beijing when the first Western-style public bathrooms will open. The excitement and anticipation of taking a dump in something made out of porcelain is intoxicating.”
  4. “The tourism brochures are right! It’s different and a more genuine kind of panic here in North Africa… If you don’t remember where you parked your transportation: it might starve to death!”
  5. “Grandpa really loves his crossword puzzles even though he never solves a single clue. I would love to tell him that he doesn’t read Greek but I’m afraid he will get angry and throw his feces at me again.”
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