Tips to Jehovah’s Witnesses on how to better your chances to get into my house

  1. Be naked or wear something that you can quickly get out of (even when Russell-Crove-drunk).
  2. Bring premium beer, Single Malt Whisky or a couple of bottles of good quality wine.
  3. Don’t mention the Watchtower… You have a much better chance getting into my house if you instead say, “We are here for a honking good time!” or, “Let’s get naked!”
  4. Please state the last time you combed your hair, cut your toenail and had yourself checked for STDs.
  5. Witnesses that have been walking around all day, please wash up in the sprinkler on the front lawn (feel free to help yourself to the bar of soap in the blue kid’s watering can).
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