Ways to trap a mermaid
- Rub yourself all over with a smoked mackerel and swim around like a wounded seal pup.
- Serenade the ocean using 1980′s power ballads, without throwing up and polluting the water.
- Catch her uncle, the giant haddock, and hold him ransom.
- Eat a huge bowl of chilli and pretend to be part of an oil slick.
- Put a big fat piece of kielbasa in your butt; swim on your back while pretending to be a beluga whale looking for a mate.
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