What Secret Service agents said to Vice President Dick Cheney after he shot Harry Whittington in the face

  1. “Yes, it’s unfortunate, sir, but shotguns have always worked that way… The slim end is where the pellets come out.”
  2. “No sir, covering him in campaign stickers will not take care of the bleeding… We need to get him to the hospital!”
  3. “Let me check, sir: Yes, he’s still alive… The good news is that the bottle of tequila and your bong are ok also!”
  4. “Sir, that’s not a quail… It’s not even a bird. He is of the same species as Dan Quayle – a republican semi-human.”
  5. “Please stop crying, sir, you won’t have to go to jail… You are the Vice President and you can do whatever heck you want. Do you wish me to finish him off for you?”
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