- Synchronized swimming: Coordinated butts bobbing in the water is simply a beautiful sight to witness. Watching Las Vegas showgirls would cost you much more.
- Basketball: Freak shows became politically incorrect after World War II, which is why ball bouncing abominations of nature are now the popular substitute.
- Skateboarding: With some patience you will eventually see someone break an ankle or a wrists. But you are always guaranteed to at least see some stoned potheads crying into their sweaty t-shirts.
- Cheerleading competitions: Nimble cheerleaders in skimpy outfits! Having even one hooker dance for you in the same gear would cost you an arm and a leg.
- Pro Wrestling: Guys that watch oiled up bulky wrestlers grapple each other in this faux-sport do it because they don’t enjoy cheerleading competitions.
- Weightlifting: You watching people lift extremely heavy things is much more relaxing and rewarding than the other way around.
- Boxing: It’s the only venue except Hooters where you can watch two ex-cons beat the jiffers out of each other.
