Yearly expenses for an up an coming actor (actress)

  1. Personal Assistant waiting to do something meaningful, but whose primary duties so far has been to say “mister” (“missus”) and to have a warm and encouraging smile plastered on their face at all times: (3%)
  2. Rent, lattes, over-priced designer clothes, and frilly drinks for people that “just love” the performance in that movie that nobody really saw: (52%)
  3. Union fees and magazine subscriptions for crappy publications that will only come in handy as “research material” if they ever get offered a supporting role in a movie staring Tom Hanks: (4%)
  4. Condoms for A-List actors and actresses who are too drunk to find their own stash when they “need to do” that skinny but hot waitress or waiter: (1%)
  5. Replacing broken furniture, telephones and bathroom fixtures when “having to” drag home Russell Crowe, Leonardo DiCaprio or George Clooney for an after-party: (12%)
  6. Flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals and show tickets to keep “no-name” celebrity gossipers (almost like real reporters) from calling them a cheap-talentless-2-by-4: (19%)
  7. Talent agency who hasn’t done very-much-more than to find producers and directors who are willing to give out roles for depraved sexual favors: (16%)
  8. Well-covered charity events and contributions (minus tax write-offs): (0.02%)
  9. Coke for people that are or who want to be their friend: (7%)
  10. Savings for that day when people realize that they are as easily replaced as a caterer: (-30.02%)
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